


CUT! Birthday Talk Show Edition

by kusarihime



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Birthday, Comedy, Crack, Gen, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 05:35:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6457909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kusarihime/pseuds/kusarihime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A small pep talk show about Kurapika on his birthday. An entry for the the Birthday Special from Secret Group KuroKura Stuff on FB.</p>
            </blockquote>





	CUT! Birthday Talk Show Edition

**Author's Note:**

> ... THIS IS THE VERY FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE WHEN I MADE A FRIGGING 6, 758 WORDS INSTANT FANFIC IN JUST THREE DAYS. Look how productive I can be when I'm on it. The answers are all just my fangirl delusions and assumptions, never have to be taken seriously. It's been a while since the last time I made a crack, comedy fic and I wish I haven't rusted yet. Hope to make every Kurapika's fangirls complete with this. Enjoy!

CUT! Birthday Talk Show Edition

April 4, 2016

*Camera rolling in three, two, one…*

*Spotlights and background music playing. Gon and Killua stand together on the stage, behind them were comfy couches positioned facing the audience.*

Gon and Killua: *Greeting in unison* KONNICHIWA MINNA-SAN! You are now watching Hunter X Hunter: Birthday Talk Show Special Edition!

Gon: Nee, nee! Do you guys know what date today is?

Killua: Today is April 4, everyone! Aside from celebrating the _April Fool’s Day_ on the first week of this month, we are also about to celebrate the birthday of the one of the most beloved main character of Hunter X Hunter franchise! Do you know who is our birthday celebrant for today?”

Gon: Yes, guys! *Kurapika’s photo appearing on the background screen* Today is Kurapika’s birthday!

Killua: Yep, yep! Our ever so determined and strong good friend had survived another year of his search for his clan’s eyes and vengeance for the Kuruta Clan’s annihilation. We know you’ve gone through another hard year, but today we are going to celebrate your special day away from your work and your revenge crusade—along with our supportive fans!

Gon: You know Killua, Kurapika was ranked as one of the most favorite and popular androgynous character in anime realm, but that popularity didn’t solely come from his looks, but from his characterization and attitude as well.

Killua: Yeah, he has that mysterious and always serious aura around him that draw fan girls close all around the globe.

Gon: And our dear friend is so grateful for all the support after all these years, even amidst of his absence on the latest arcs and the great, GREAT Hiatus Arc Series.

Killua: Therefore, Kurapika has granted us a chance to know more about him as a gift for everyone on his birthday!

Gon: Yup! A gift… with a twist *winks*

Killua: Yes, so here’s the deal: Kurapika will answer the fans’ frequent questions about him and has to answer them no matter what, and he will be interviewed by another cast which is selected by our fans by majority.

Gon: The interview consists of two rounds: the first one is he will be asked by the fans’ questions which are taken from our Hunter X Hunter Online Voting Poll. He has to answer 10 questions, no matter how ridiculous or personal they would be, with all honesty.

Killua: The next round is another set of 10 questions from the interviewer himself or herself. He or she might have taken it from another fan, another cast, and of course his or her own, and those too have to be answered truthfully.

Gon: We have here Senritsu-san, our Music Hunter Specialist *beckoned at Senritsu’s booth on a far-end corner of the stage. Senritsu waved at the camera and curtly bowed her head*, and she will be our lie detector by monitoring Kurapika’s heartbeat in order to find out if he was lying or not.

Killua: If he was indeed caught lying under his nose, he will have to deal with a consequence, or so to say punishment, which is set by his interviewer. We actually have no idea what would that be but that should be really nasty.

Gon: Nee, Killua. Do you think Kurapika will lie?

Killua: We all know that Kurapika is not a liar, Gon. That’s one of his charms. But at this rate, I can tell no more, knowing who his interviewer is.

Gon: Geez, I’m a little scared for him.

Killua: I feel you, Gon.

Gon: So, let’s not make our viewers wait any longer than this!

Killua: *Introducing in unison* Let’s welcome the birthday boy, Kurapika on the stage!

*Kurapika stepped out from the back stage and waved a hand to the camera before bowing his head to the crowd*

Kurapika: Hello everyone.

Gon: Nee, Kurapika. How do you feel right now?

Kurapika: Being anxious about my reputation after this interview aside, I can say I’m good.

Killua: Ho-ho, he’s nervous already.

Kurapika: Well that can’t be helped; the entire staff already knows who my interviewer is EXCEPT me. And what’s with that ‘I’m a little scared for Kurapika,’ Gon?

Gon: *Laughs nervously* Haha, you’ll know soon enough!

Killua: Anyway, please take your seat, Kurapika- _san!_ You may sit on the couch on the right.

*Kurapika looked a little restless but did what he was told nonetheless. Once seated, Gon and Killua left the stage and went to another booth on the other side of the stage wherein several HXH casts sat as if they were the ‘jury.’ The booth, which was unseen from the center stage’s view, was divided by two, the other part was filled with protagonists while the other with antagonists. Hisoka was pathetically seated in between the booth, on a stool, since no one including himself could consider him as the good or the bad guy. Anyways, on the table in front of them were mini white boards with erasable markers, one set each person.*

Gon: To add more fun, we invited some of our casts to share their sentiments and opinions about the interview. However, they are not allowed to speak, but are given a chance to comment silently by writing on the mini white boards provided to be shown to the camera as to not disrupt the conversation.

Killua: We have here the casts from the Genei Ryodan Arc: On the Antagonist part are the selected Genei Ryodan members: Shalnark, Shizuku, Machi, Phinks, and half of Hisoka.

Gon: The Protagonist part consists of Neon Nostrad, Leorio Paladiknight, Gon and yours truly… and the other half of Hisoka.

Killua: Of course Senritsu-san has her say as well, she too has a writing set along with a buzzer she has to press should she detected the birthday celebrant lie. *The camera projected towards her, she lifted her hands with the board and the marker and smiled.*

Gon: Alright, let’s not make Kurapika wait anymore! Nee, Kurapika, are you ready to meet your interviewer for today?

Kurapika: Yes, I guess…

Killua: Okay, Hunter X Hunter: Birthday Talk Show Special Edition Round ONE—

Gon ad Killua: START!

*The background screen revealed a virtual roulette with the HXH Characters’ names on it. Under the roulette was a box with a photo of the character corresponding the names on the roulette.*

Killua: So, the Hunter X Hunter Association conducted an Online poll asking the HxH netizen fans about who they would want to interview Kurapika on his Birthday Interview Special Edition two weeks ago. Amongst the 2,000 respondents, the majority united with one cast which earned 67% of the votes. Roulette, please.

*The roulette on the screen began to rotate*

Gon: Out of 2,000 fans, 1,340 people have chosen the same man over some other 30 Hunter X Hunter characters or so, and that lucky guy is none other than…

*The roulette stopped and the arrow was pointing… on Kuroro Lucifer’s name, with the box underneath showcasing his face.*

Gon and Killua: KURORO LUCIFER-SAN!

Kurapika: … GOD. What’s WRONG with those 1,340 people!? Are they out of their minds?

*Kuroro emerged out of the stage, clad in a simple long-sleeved navy blue shirt and dark pants as if he just got out of the bed yet he looked cool on his somewhat bedtime get-up. He was holding a hard-bound envelope and bowed his head to the camera.*

Kuroro: Good day, everyone.

Kurapika: You seriously agreed with this?

Kuroro: … Is there something wrong with that?

Kurapika: Of course there is!

Kuroro: Nee, I think you should take it easy. Oh, unless you are scared to answer my questions.

Kurapika: *eyes widened in irritation and slight shock, but found Senritsu looking his way and decided to calm down. He clucked his tongue in frustration*

Kuroro: Oh, hit the right nerve.

Kurapika: Yeah right. Just proceed to the forsaken questions, will you?

Kuroro: Roger.

*The screen switched from full screen centering the two into two divisions: the biggest part focused on the center stage, the other smaller part showed the ‘Jury’ booth, the camera capturing the ‘Jury’ members’ half body caption.*

Killua: Ugh, we are barely starting but the looks on Kurapika’s eyes looked as if he was about to go on a killing spree.

Gon: That’s why I told you I’m feeling a little scared for Kurapika. You know, we are supposed to make Kurapika happy on his birthday…

Killua: Well, HE will make US happy on his birthday. That should make him be happy as well.

**Back to the center stage**

Kuroro: Hmm, for the first question: Many fans have noted your not so bizarre usage of the personal pronoun ‘watashi,’ which is the formal and universal pronoun used by men and women referring to themselves. However, someone noted that during your youth days, you were using ‘ore,’ a pronoun with the same meaning as ‘watashi,’ which meant ‘I,’ that is not a formal form. Not that people find that very informal, but _Silviana_ -san wanted to know why you switched from ‘ore’ to ‘watashi?’

Kurapika: I don’t get it why people fuzz over the personal pronoun I use. Seriously?

Kuroro: Maybe you’re giving them some confusing idea about your gender.

Kurapika: HA!?

Kuroro: I mean, that can’t be helped; I thought you were a girl when we first met. Given that you use a universal pronoun instead of the usual ‘ore’ and ‘boku’ which are mostly used by boys and men, you sure are giving everyone some false hope or something.

Kurapika: … And when the hell did pronouns become a distinction of one’s gender?

Kuroro: In some other western countries they have separate nouns and pronouns for girls and boys, you know.

Kurapika: Tsk. Okay fine; I use ‘watashi’ for formality. One important thing my clan has taught me was to be polite. Given that I’m leaving our province and entering other territories, I should behave and be pleasant to other people. I used to use ‘ore’ when I was young, when I was still with my family because I don’t need to be so excessively polite to them because we are all close. That’s it.

Kuroro: Hmm, very well said. Polite, huh? You didn’t seem to be so polite when we first met, though. I remember being called a ‘bastard’ for quite several times plus some bruises and even a lost tooth.

Kurapika: Hah? Be polite to you? You don’t even know what human rights are you scumbag. I will never give you a cent of politeness and respect even if I would be paid a billion.

Kuroro: *chuckled* Second question: oh, this is pretty sexy. A timid question from _Tsunjure-san_. What underwear do you use?

Kurapika: That’s a damn sexual harassment.

Kuroro: Really? You think so?

Kurapika: Oh don’t give me that goddamn ‘how sensitive’ look! That’s harassment in more ways in one.

Kuroro: Well I don’t mind admitting to the world that I prefer briefs over boxers, but I don’t mind using them too.

Kurapika: What the hell!

**On the Jury booth**

Neon: *raising her board* _BRIEFS? OH, THAT’S HOT._

Shalnark: _I like boxers, though._

Phinks: _BOXERS._

Leorio: _Briefs here._

Killua: _Boxers. They are comfortable._

Hisoka: _Boxers, briefs, thongs, even nothing. I can do fine with anything._

Machi: _See? Only KURAPIKA thinks it’s sexual harassment._

**Back to the center stage**

Kuroro: So… as for the question?

Kurapika: … Either is fine. *face palm*

Kuroro: I see. I honestly think you would good on both of them. ANYWAY, question number three: This is from _Karameru-san_. Why do you wear only one earring in your left ear? Why did you place that over there instead on your right ear? Where did it come from, and did it hold some sort of special Nen power or simply a memento given to you?’

Kurapika: People are all wondering about my simple tear-drop earring I wear which is fairly visible because of my hair while NO ONE ever asked about your ridiculously big round green earrings you flaunt with your hair all tucked matched with the feathers and inverted cross on your black coat with your six-pack displayed on. I really don’t get where this world is going anymore.

**Jury’s booth**

Shalnark: _He’s got some point._

Neon: _Who the hell cares? That’s Kuroro Lucifer’s six-pack we are talking about. I don’t mind seeing him wearing ONLY his earrings every day._

Senritsu: _Neon-san, please behave yourself. Your father might fire us if you continue that._

**Center Stage**

Kuroro: Err, back to the question, if you please.

Kurapika: … I can’t tell as of now. Mangaka’s orders. You know how absolute Togashi-san is when it comes to anti-climaxes. I’m so sorry everyone.

Kuroro: He is right, I can help but wonder too why no one ever thought that my earrings have some history too.

Kurapika: Next question.

Kuroro: The fourth question is from _Chilsse-san_. If given a chance to choose what gender you can have, do you still want to be a man or a… boobless girl?

Kurapika: What kind of a decent girl wants to be boobless? As for the question, I’m happy to be a man and wanted still. If given a chance I want to have this body again.

Kuroro: Seriously, does any guy on earth ever wanted a woman with no curves?

**Jury’s Booth**

Neon: _THESE TWO SEEMED TO WANT TO DIE RIGHT NOW._

**Center Stage**

Kuroro: Fifth question; From _Taeng-san._ What is… your size down there? Now THIS is sexual harassment.

Kurapika: *too dumbfounded to react*

Kuroro: Hey, hey. I thought the questions are filtered? Are you serious about letting this kind of question be heard on the National Television? Have you guys not considered being reprimanded by the Media Regulatory Board? I can’t believe this. Who the hell is this person? Doesn’t she know what etiquette means? This kind of—

Kurapika: … I’m average.

Kuroro: *too dumbfounded to react*

Kurapika: Go on with the next question.

Kuroro: … Did you seriously just answer the question without complaining?

Kurapika: I just want to end this. Next question please.

Kuroro: By average… how bi—

Kurapika: NEXT QUESTION!

**Jury’s booth**

Neon: _Hey guys, Kurapika bravely answered it. How about you?_

Phinks: _Average. Hahaha. Me? Slightly above average._

Shalnark: _Sorry, I can’t really much tell. Someone said mine looked normal so I didn’t look into comparing my size to others anymore_

Gon: _Mine is…_

Hisoka: _Oh, I’m pretty bi—_

Killua: _NO ONE IS ASKING YOU!_

**Center Stage**

Kuroro: ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT. Geez you’re so hot-tempered. Question number six. This is actually the most asked question of all. What is the use of your index finger when you’re on your _Emperor Time_ Mode?

Kurapika: That…

Kuroro: … Is another secret. Mangaka’s orders. Right?

Kurapika: Yes. However, I think that can be easily guessed by anyone. The answer likely lies of the first episodes of season one, even on the Greed Island arc. I can’t tell much, but if you scan the earlier chapters, you can much figure it out.

Kuroro: That’s very intriguing, I can even tell what you want to say. Anyway, Number seven: From _Silviana-san_ again. Hmm… Do you think… _Papi_ Kuroro Lucifer-sama is… handsome?

Kurapika: Papi?

Kuroro: Yeah. It’s what written on the paper.

Kurapika: … That’s what you get from flaunting that six-pack around.

Kuroro: Well… what do you think about the six-pack?

Kurapika: … That’s not so hard to achieve. You just happened to be older and bigger than me. Uvo’s packs were bigger, though it seemed even the contents of his brain went into those as well. If talking about your facial appearance then yes, you look good. Better than Leorio. Happy?

Kuroro: Satisfied.

**Jury’s Booth**

Leorio: _LOOK NEON. THOSE TWO REALLY SEEM TO WANT TO SAY GOODBYE TO THEIR LIVES._

**Center Stage**

Kuroro: Number eight; from _kusarihime-san._ What a familiar name. Kurapika, how many times do you... _oh._

Kurapika: What?

Kuroro: … relieve yourself in a week? Sorry, she used a very colloquial term. I decided to change it for better.

Kurapika: IT DIDN’T CHANGE THE FACT THAT IT’S ANOTHER SEXUAL HARASSMENT, BASTARD.

Kuroro: You’re right. If I were to be asked by that I’ll think twice… Well in my case I do it around three to eight times a week.

Kurapika: I THOUGHT YOU’RE GOING TO THINK TWICE BEFORE ANSWERING!? YOU JUST SAID IT AS IF THAT WAS THE MOST NORMAL THING ON EARTH!

Kuroro: But the question wasn’t for me…

Kurapika: Oh God. You have a very terrible sense of sarcasm you know?

Kuroro: So…?

Kurapika: … Geez, I can’t believe this. Around one to three times a month. Sometimes, none at all. Next question.

**Jury’s Booth**

Neon: _Three to eight times a week? Like, once a day? What is that, a vitamin?_

Shalnark: _No. More like when we can’t fall asleep or something like that. It’s normal, you know._

Phinks: _No different from drinking wine and alcohol before bedtime._

Gon: _Growing up sounds busy, nee Killua?_

Killua: _Yeah it is indeed._

**Center Stage**

Kuroro: Another from _kusarihime-san_. If you were to be forcibly become a member of Genei Ryodan, where do you want your Spider tattoo to be placed?

Kurapika: I don’t get what’s going on inside the brains of these people you guys interviewed. Did you go to a mental institution with 2,000 patients and surveyed them all there to save time?

Kuroro: The question, please.

Kurapika: I WILL NEVER BE A RYODAN.

Kuroro: It’s just a ‘what if.’ No one said it has to be necessarily true.

Kurapika: Even if it just a ‘what if,’ that’s still IMPOSSIBLE. I will die first before becoming a member.

Kuroro: Alright then let’s say I killed you _—BANG!—_ and I want your corpse to be a part of the gang. Where do you prefer me to put the tattoo on your dead body?

Kurapika: *Looked at Kuroro incredulously* … Somewhere hidden, I guess.

Kuroro: Somewhere hidden… Like at the small of your back or a side of your thigh or maybe on a side of your waist. I think that would be nice and sexy.

Kurapika: WAIT WHY DO YOU SOUND LIKE YOU’RE SERIOUS!?

Kuroro: I’m just sharing my opinion, you know. I really think that would be sexy

Kurapika: Senritsu, is this jerk actually being serious?

Senritsu: *raising her white board* _Do you really want to know?_

Kurapika: … NEVER MIND.

**Jury’s Booth**

Killua: _Kurapika’s smoothly rolling on Kuroro’s fingers. These two have some chemistry don’t you think?_

Shalnark: _Danchou’s good at dealing with many sorts of people. Kurapika is a piece of cake for him. I think._

Machi: _Watch the idiom you use, Shalnark. Fans might take you literally._

Shalnark: _Well aren’t they already?_

**Center Stage**

Kuroro: Last question. From _kusarihime-san_ again. Hey guys is this woman our new sponsor? What’s with this favoritism? Anyway, why do you decided to place the Judgment Chain in you middle finger? You could have placed that in your index finger since it’s the mostly used finger to point on things and people. Oh, I think I know the answer for this one. Can I?

Kurapika: *holding back a scoff*

Gon: Sorry, Kuroro-san Only the celebrant can answer the questions.

Kurapika: Wait, can I have this one since it’s my birthday? I honestly have no ulterior motives about choosing my middle finger, and I’m curious with what he has to say.

Killua: Wait a second. *looked at the Director’s side and was given a thumbs up.* Okay guys, request granted.

Kuroro: Oh… Senritsu-san. Is he telling the truth about him not having ulterior motive?

Senritsu: *raising her board*… _Yes, but somehow there’s a weird tune on his heartbeat as if saying he was about to change his mind._

Kuroro: Oh.

Kurapika: So what did you assume of me choosing my middle finger for the Judgment Chain?

Kuroro: Hmm….

**Jury’s Booth**

Neon: _HOT SEAT._

Shalnark: _You can do that, Danchou!_

Hisoka: _I think I know the answer too._

**Center Stage**

Kuroro: Well let’s not deny that everyone damn well knows what the other use of the middle finger is when you point it to people, and that much suits how you treat us Genei Ryodan. But that too somehow relates with the use of the index finger. I think the reason you didn’t choose the index is that you assigned a much heavier power on it than the Judgment Chain.

Kurapika: *smiled discreetly as if amused how Kuroro pulled the answer.*

**Jury’s Booth**

Phinks: _He nailed it._

Shalnark: _That’s our Danchou!_

Shizuku: _But I honestly think Danchou is more inclined with his first reason…_

Machi: _We all know that, Shizuku. Media Regulatory Board, remember?_

**Center Stage**

Gon and Killua: *Stepping into the stage, just in a corner*

Gon: Waah! Our Kurapika has survived the first half without lying!

Killua: Well done, Kurapika! We are so proud of you. I’d rather be punished than to admit how many times I do it in a week you know, but he’s brave enough to answer! Anyway, we will proceed to the next round after a short break. I wonder if Kurapika can still nail it once he faces Kuroro’s personal questions.

Gon: I’m sure he would! So stay tune guys and don’t switch the channel because—

Gon and Killua: Hunter X Hunter: Birthday Talk Show Special Edition will be right back!

Director: And… CUT!

*Screen started to roll commercial ads*

Kurapika: … WHAT THE HELL’S WITH THOSE QUESTIONS!?

Kuroro: Yeah, these are a little below the belt.

Gon: We’re not sure. They were taken from the Online poll as well.

Kurapika: So people are _interested_ in knowing fictional men’s _size_!?

Killua: To think that they are mostly women…

Kurapika: Your questions better be decent, bastard. If you don’t want a bloodbath, that is.

Kuroro: They are fine. Just to let you know I don’t need to know your size.

Kurapika: Really? Then why did you sound like you want to know more earlier?

Kuroro: I don’t need to because I already know

Kurapika: YOU—

Kuroro: Save the uproar, it was an accident. I saw you in the bathroom. I didn’t peek, for one thing.

Kurapika: If you already know then why did you try to ask further?

Kuroro: Just wanna mess with you.

Killua: You know guys if you had that conversation while on-air, our ratings surely should have skyrocketed.

Gon: Okay guys, back on-air in thirty seconds.

Killua: Chill down guys, the second half is coming.

*Spotlights and background music sounding louder again*

*Camera rolling in three, two, one…*

Gon and Killua: Welcome back to Hunter X Hunter: Birthday Talk Show Special Edition!

Killua: Alright, for the second half of our segment, our birthday celebrant, Kurapika, is going to answer question from his interviewer, Kuroro-san.

Gon: His question could be from himself, the questions he chose from the fans, and even question from the other casts. Just like the first half, Senritsu-san will still monitor if Kurapika is lying.

Killua: Same rules apply: should he be caught lying, he will be punished by Kuroro-san. For some reason that sounds a little skin-crawling.

Gon: We all hope you can make it out not lying all throughout the interview, Kurapika. You have our trust! Alright, Hunter X Hunter: Birthday Talk Show Special Edition Round TWO—

Gon and Killua: START!

Kuroro: You ready?

Kurapika: Bring it on.

Kuroro: For the first question, how do you find Kurapika’s character all throughout the Hunter X Hunter Series?

Kurapika: That’s no different from asking how I see myself on the series. Anyway, I find it interesting: a character that is a good guy who wants to be bad but miserably failing. Usually the characters we see on typical Shounen animes are those hero-type guys who wanted to save the world but turning into some kind of beast in the process. My character is very different. I seek justice using the wrong method, which is technically legal since killing is fine when you are a Hunter. Should Hunters not be allowed to kill, the whole story would be different. But that is not necessarily has to be correct. Gon is a Hunter as well but he never had the thirst to kill until the Chimera Ant Arc. Like what I said Gon’s character is somehow normal. He have experienced wanting to get revenge and was overcame with the desire to kill because he lost someone important to him. It proved that he wasn’t the typical main protagonist that always seeks peace: there were times when he feels frustrated and angry and he can’t handle it. Kurapika meanwhile wanted to be a tough guy to begin with. He wanted to be strong in order to take down his sworn enemies, but he is good hearted in reality. Having those two sides is hard, and it’s nice that Kurapika’s good side is more powerful than the dark one, and I believe that always will be.

Kuroro: Very well said. I think that difference is what makes Kurapika’s character imperfectly perfect. I bet the fans will all agree.

Kurapika: Thank you very much everyone.

Kuroro:  Second question: if given a chance to choose a different work instead of being a Hunter, what do you think your profession would be?

Kurapika: But I wanted to be a Hunter from the very start.

Kuroro: Why is that?

Kurapika: As everyone had read from the Volume 0 manga, I came to read a nice book about a Hunter. That enthralled me, and had me wanting to leave our province on a very young age. People from our place left only when necessary like when we have to buy food and other basic necessities that we couldn’t find inside Rukuso Forest. Even those people who traveled for passion occasionally went back to the province because no place is better than you own home. I was excited to leave the province after reading the book because it showcased to me how bountiful the outside world was, setting the danger the elders warned me about aside. I have another reason that I don’t need to explain to an enemy like you but yes, I really want to be a Hunter.

Kuroro: Privacy granted. Third question: In case you successfully brought down Genei Ryodan and collected all the Scarlet eyes, how do you imagine yourself after fulfilling all your goals?

Kurapika: … I don’t know as of yet. Another is I don’t see a good reason why I should answer such question knowing it’s from you.

Kuroro: Meaning you’ll likely become a wandering lad. I mean, just killing two of already tormented the hell out of you. There are more 11 members, you know. What more, not all the current members joined the gang around the time the Kuruta Clan annihilation. You mean you’ll also kill those members even if they have nothing to do with the massacre?

Kurapika: That doesn’t change the fact that you guys are murderers and thieves. A Hunter’s job is to eradicate the likes of you. I’ll take you down majorly because of the Kuruta Clan’s massacre, but another reason is I don’t want any more lives to be taken by you.

Kuroro: *shrugged* Okay.

**Jury’s Booth**

Hisoka: _HOT SEAT THE NEXT LEVEL_

Shalnark: _Don’t get me wrong guys but this round sounded more personal to me than the first one._

Machi: _There wasn’t even the yelling and swearing unlike the first half. I’m getting what you are trying to say, Shal._

Neon: _I can now see why there are psycho fans who picture these two as an item._

**Center Stage**

Kuroro: Fourth question: for some freaky reason, some fans imagine us as an item. Please don’t look at me like that, and yes this is a question from me. Why do you think is that?

Kurapika: Why on earth are you asking me? I’m not one of those psychos who even refer themselves as _SINNERS._ I ABSOLUTELY… *looked at Senritsu, who had her eyes widened as if in warning* … Yes, I have some ideas.

Kuroro: Hmm… Are you familiar with that trending fashion on anime culture well known as _Yaoi?_

Kurapika: Yes. These people out there have some knacks for imaging to male characters being romantically related even though it’s eternally impossible.

Kuroro: So, why do you think they have those ideas while knowing that that is absolutely impossible?

Kurapika: Maybe because… of some traits and hobbies we have in common.

Kuroro: Book reading.

Kurapika: Yes, that one.

Kuroro: What kind of books do you like to read?

Kurapika: Many types of books, except fictions. I do read fictions, though I’m picky with genres.

Kuroro: May we know what your genre preference is?”

Kurapika: I’m into historical and general information, though I read psychological and art books sometimes.

Kuroro: Really? Have ever tried looking into the history of World Wars?

Kurapika: Yes, I did once.

Kuroro: What can you say about Americans dropping the nuclear bombs into Hiroshima?

Kurapika: I can’t believe you’re asking me that. Of course that’s horrible. They killed the Japanese soldiers’ family as to get rid of the soldiers’ courage to fight. What a big act of cowardice.

Kuroro: But the strategy was effective, it’s no different from you taking me as a hostage back then. However, what you didn’t know is Spiders can still go on without the head. You used me in order to save your friends instead of fighting us face to face. You let yourself become attached to your friends, like those soldiers cherishing their families. Their profession had their families ended up dead. Ryodan is not like that. Should I kill your friends, you’ll lose the will to fight. Why? Because I don’t think you can handle losing your family the second time around.

Kurapika: Really? Then why Pakunoda died for your sake?

Kuroro: That’s a foolish act of hers—

Kurapika: A foolish act you can call, but that proves that the head’s lost affects the whole troupe. It seemed you’re taking your gang’s pact way too easy, bastard. Stop thinking so highly of yourself. People do have weaknesses, and I will certainly find yours. Just wait.

**Jury’s Booth**

Machi: _I like this round than the first one_

Leorio: _Yeah. Much up close and personal._

**Center Stage**

Kuroro: *chuckled mockingly* I can now see why those people get those kind of idea.

Kurapika: What the hell are you trying to imply!?

Kuroro: Number Five: I once have tried to read one of those… _fan fictions,_ if I’m not mistaken, and someone suggested that you’re the type who likes classic and slow music, and that we have the same taste. But I kinda think that even if you like slow music, you would sometimes listen to rock music. Young men tend to like them in their adolescent days, I used to listen to them when I was young. So for clarifications, what kind of music do you listen to?

Kurapika: You say you read one of those _fan… fictions?_ Aren’t those contained some…

Kuroro: The question, please.

Kurapika: I can’t believe you.

Kuroro: Take this from someone older than you: knowing how your character is being perceived by the viewers is helpful. I read all sorts of books even if it doesn’t interest me.

Kurapika: Music, huh? ... Yes, sometimes I listen to rock. But I’m not so inclined to them. It depends on the song as well. I once heard a rap rock song and I liked it.

Kuroro: Really? I think I can guess what that song is. I’ll confirm it with the sixth question: Do you believe in God?

**Jury’s Booth**

Killua: _I don’t think we will be reprimanded by the Board with that question but I’m sure the netizens will make a big deal out of that._

Gon: _Nee, does Kuroro-san believe in God?_

Shalnark: _Who know?_

Phinks: _I bet he’s not._

Leorio: _Of course he’s not._

**Center Stage**

Kurapika: … I don’t really like bringing the topic of religion up but yes, in a sense I believe in God. We have unseen forces that we worship and pray to on Kuruta Clan. We believe that those forces have given us the gift of the Scarlet eyes, and that we have them for a reason. I sincerely believe that there must be something out there that makes things happen. But if talking about the Gods people worship outside the clan, I can’t say that much. There are ways of their beliefs that I don’t like, but I’m not antagonistic about it. I pay respect to them. I won’t bother asking if you do, I can tell that you don’t believe in such thing as God.

Kuroro: But I do.

Kurapika: You WHAT!?

Kuroro: I somehow believe such system, just that I don’t waste time worshiping and asking for salvation. I just don’t care what His name is, or where the hell He is, what form does He have, or anything. There are things in life that I think happened out of grace but the thing is I don’t care. I will live my life the way I want, let the universe or God or whatever it is to set the playground for me.

Kurapika: We… somehow share the same opinion about that one. Not that I’m the type who’ll kill for fun just like what you guys do, but I think it’s not that important to argue what religion is the best. I also think religion that promises salvation is bogus. I act because I believe that’s the good thing to do.

Kuroro: Now we have two things in common.

Kurapika: It doesn’t make me feel any good.

Kuroro: Number seven: what is your ideal girl?

Kurapika: Tell me that’s not your personal question.

Kuroro: No it’s not. A question from one of our casts.

Kurapika: Oh. Well… I have no time to spare with romantic relationship but if I were to describe a girl that is likely to interest me, I will admit that like smart and reasonable girls. Those type who doesn’t complain on every single thing, not so demanding and nagging. But I don’t really set standards, they say you’ll soon turn back on those should you find the one.

Kuroro: Oh, you believe in love?

Kurapika: You… can say something like that.

Kuroro: Rejoice, our dearest viewers. Kurapika believes in love.

Kurapika: Cut it out.

**Jury’s Booth**

Neon: _Now the question is does Kuroro Lucifer believe in love?_

Shizuku: _When the hell is Danchou’s birthday? We definitely should get him to a Birthday Talk Show Edition._

Machi: _His birthday is the least of the problem: The thing is HOW can we convince Kurapika to ask him such question since it’s given that he’ll be the one to interview Danchou on his Birthday Special Edition_

**Center Stage**

Kuroro: Number eight: Where are you bringing your girlfriend on your first date?

Kurapika: Another question from the cast?

Kuroro: No. A fan’s

Kurapika: What’s her name?

Kuroro: Err… it’s a man.

Kurapika: What’s HIS name?

Kuroro: Uhm…

Kurapika: SENRITSU! What’s this jerk stuttering for?

Senritsu: _I only listen to heart beats, Kurapika. I can’t read his mind._

Kurapika: …. Don’t tell me…

Kuroro: … Yes. I’m a secret fan.

Kurapika: Are you serious!?

Kuroro: I wish I’m not.

Kurapika: GOD.

Kuroro: The question, please.

Kurapika *heavily sighs* … It depends. I won’t bring her to somewhere she doesn’t like. There are girls who likes not so being romantic. You know, they say that the location just adds the spices, but what matters is you being together.

Kuroro: Your fans must be rolling down the floor after hearing that.

Kurapika: Oh, aren’t you my secret fan? Feel free to roll down the stage. I’ll volunteer to kick you around for your convenience.

Kuroro: *pouted* Number nine: This is a question from a fan, not me. I’m serious. What do you think of Kuroro Lucifer? Should you guys have met in an entirely different manner, do you think you guys can get along?

Kurapika: … I can’t tell. I don’t know much about you.

Kuroro: First impressions?

Kurapika: … A jerk.

Kuroro: A second one?

Kurapika: … A mute, but can be a tattling asshole when needed. You have that cool aura about you that must be drawing followers around. Smart, I’m certain about that. Maybe reasonable, you won’t be the leader of a prominent group of thieves if not. Thinks highly of himself and all that matters to you is your Genei Ryodan. You don’t care about your life that much, geez you must be so bored. I mean, if you happened to be a psycho killer running on spree then you should have tried to become a Hunter, just like what Hisoka did. But you didn’t bother. You look for something you’re not even sure yourself. A lazy ass. A jackass, in short. As for if we met in some other way, I don’t think we would be that close. Our beliefs clash, our traits as well. Maybe we’ll just become some sort of a chatting colleagues.

Kuroro: I look for something I’m not even sure myself what is, huh… That’s more like it.

**Jury’s Booth**

Neon: _Hey guys, this is not a candle light dinner._

Killua: _I pray Kuroro won’t ask Kurapika out for the last question._

Shalnark: _I’m honestly thinking he’s considering doing that._

Shizuku: _I don’t like the looks on Danchou’s eyes. They remind me of Nobunaga._

Machi: _More like Hisoka’s._

Gon: _Really?_

Machi: _Yeah. Hisoka once asked me out._

Killua: _REALLY!?_

**Center Stage**

Kuroro: Okay guys, we are down to the last question.

Kurapika: At last.

Kuroro: … For the last question, I have a small favor. Can you please don’t react violently or swear or curse or anything like that? Just one straight answer. Can you do that?

Kurapika: … It depends on your question.

Kuroro: Hmm… Are you free this weekend?

Kurapika: *shifting his eyes to Scarlet color*

Kuroro: That’s a joke, Kurapika. Calm down.

*A buzzer sound went off*

Kurapika: Hey! I haven’t… _Oh_ *blushed awkwardly*

Kuroro: Okay, this is serious.  The question is to what extent can you sacrifice for your goals in life?

Kurapika: A personal question?

Kuroro: Yes.

Kurapika: Why do you ask?

Kuroro: For a personal reason.

Kurapika: *narrowed his eyes in suspicion* … Everything.

Kuroro: I see. *Smirked in a VERY HISOKA-ISH WAY* Very well said. Anyway, *turning to look at the camera* that should have filled your Kurapika dose for today. We sure have learned a lot of things about one of our most favorite HXH Character. Do you have any message for your fans?

Kurapika *still eyeing Kuroro suspiciously* … Thank you very much for the undying support after all these years. We wish Togashi-sensei to get better soon. We miss you all so much. Let’s  look forward to the series’ return together. *bowed*

Kuroro: Alright, back to Gon and Killua.

**Jury’s Booth**

Shalnark: _Become a fortune teller, Machi. You sure will get a great deal of cash out of it._

**Center Stage**

*Camera projecting back to Gon and Killua*

Gon: Oh, is that some sort of a cliff hang?

Killua: Yeah, I feel something like that. Oh, Kuroro has birthday too, by the way. That’s something to look forward to.

Gon: Yes, so for all the fans out there you can post your questions down there on the review box after the segment. It might take long but we will try out best to send your earnest questions to Kuroro for him to answer on his birthday!

Killua: I think I’ll post a question, too. I want to know why he’s become a secret fan.

Gon: Anyway, thank you very much for watching everyone! Let’s all wish Kurapika a very, very Happy Birthday! We hope to see you guys again next time!

Killua: We hope you had fun with us. This is Hunter X Hunter: Birthday Talk Show Special Edition!

Gon and Killua: BYE!

*Spotlight and background music fading*

Kurapika: … What on earth are you trying to pull here, jerk?

Kuroro: I was trying to make you lie.

Kurapika: BASTARD.

Kuroro: Say what you will. Hey, get your ten questions ready.

Kurapika How sure are you that I’ll be the one who’ll interview you?

Kuroro: You wanna bet?

Kurapika: Ha?

Kuroro: Oh, and if I lie, prepare a nice punishment as well. I’m looking forward to working with you again.

Gon: Guys! Wanna watch the interview? The Jury’s reaction is fun!

Kurapika: Oh God don’t make me remember that confession I did about my privacy. And eight times a week? Seriously?

Kuroro: Seriously.

Kurapika: … No thanks. Go watch them on your—

Kuroro: *Already pulling Kurapika to the TV monitor.*

 


End file.
